The Intersection-Set of Friends & Work

 

Stock photographs are the *worst*

Are any of the folks that you work with your friends? And no, I don't mean "folks that I'm happy to get coffee/beer with after work" - I'm referring to folks that you deeply care about, grew up with, went to college with, etc.
Or even folks that you met at work, and eventually got pretty close with (after all, you can't spend 70% of your waking hours with folks without developing some sort of relationship with them. Then again, that relationship might be deep antipathy - depending on where you work 🙄)

Anyhow, back to friends that you work with, the thing is, there is always the underlying possibility of things going south, of your work responsibilities getting in the way of your friendship. There are so many scenarios here

• You're both up for the same promotion - a classic movie-plot scenario that is all too common in real life
• You're working for rival teams (Hello Ballmer-era Microsoft!)
• You work for your friend, or the other way around
• etc.

You can't actually ignore these possibilities, because, in the end, they will come back and bite you. What's worse, it's going to hit you at a time of great stress, which only makes the whole situation that much worse. After all, it's bad enough that you're teams are in a deathmatch to determine who actually gets that 10% annual bonus, and you're stressedAF about the whole thing, now you have to deal with the fallout because your team got the bonus 'cos your boss has Connections, and your friend is pissed, and ....

For what it's worth, there is really no easy way out of this, no silver bullet. It's all well and good to talk about The Power Of Friendship, but, in the end, you're not a saint, and things will go south 😔

OK, that's not quite accurate. There may not be an easy way out of it, but there are is one sure-fire way to minimize the side-effects, and that is to discuss the relationship before it becomes an issue.
First, and most importantly, both of you should come to terms with the fact that you do work with each other, and there could be Things that happen. Agree - beforehand - that work tensions get's VegasRuled, i.e., What happens at work, stays at work.

Of course it isn't going to work out this way - things will bleed over into your private life. But, this way you at least have a fighting chance of ensuring that when they do bleed over, your inner-voice is prompting you to not let it get too hairy, because, hey, you're already doing something that you agreed to not do!

This leads directly to the Second thing, which is to agree on a phrase beforehand. Me, I use "putting on my work hat". This helps create a clear boundary, changing your - and your friend's - mindset into "work mode". It's a small bit of behavioral psychology, but it goes a long way! It's basically the verbal equivalent of having a separate "work space" at home - in that it creates an explicit transition between mental states, and helps compartmentalize any resultant stress.

Remember, the key here is that you need to do both of these, and do them consistently. Doing so pays dividends down the road - it may not mean all that much today, but ten years from now, boy-howdy, does it ever help!