Petraeus - Bizarro Conspiracy Theories Edition

I spent an hour or so this morning with an acquaintance of mine (who is of the Fox/Glenn Beck/Rush Limbaugh persuasion) discussing l'affaire Petraeus, and I have to admit the conspiracy theory he spun, while absolutely banoodles, was seriously fascinating. I can't recall most of it, but as far as I can recall, it went something like this

1. Obama, being Muslim, is intent on arming the various splinter factions in the Middle-East
2. Ambassador Stevens was sent to Libya to set up a gun-running operation, funneling arms to Libyan rebels
3. Once Stevens had set up the arms pipeline (somehow involving Russia. I didn't quite get this part), he wanted to come back to the U.S.
4. Obama, however, wanted him to go to Syria to arm Assad (I couldn't figure this part out - I thought Obama was helping the Muslim rebels or some such).
5. Stevens refused on principle, because "Assad is a fascist dictator and is oppressing the people". 
6. At this point, Stevens became expendable.  Since he knew too much, he needed to be eliminated, which is why Susan Rice personally leaked his whereabouts to her contacts with Al Qaeda in Libya, causing him to be assassinated.
7. General Petraeus knew about all this from the beginning.  The assassination was, however, the last straw for him, and he was going to testify before Congress about it.
8. Eric Holder (you knew he was going to show up, didn't you?) has stock-piled secret files on all Bush era people, and tried to blackmail Petraeus - who refused to be blackmailed
9. A courageous FBI agent found out about Eric Holder's blackmail, and went to Eric Cantor with the details
10. When this came out in the papers, Eric Holder forced Petraeus to resign, by threatening to put him on a "Ultimate Sanction List" if he didn't (I think it was "Ultimate Sanction List". I'm not quite sure, because this was about an hour in, and my brain was warping from the tin-foil-ness of the rant. Also, I have no intention of Googling any of this, because, well, I have some pride...)
11. This is why Petraeus resigned.

And now you know the whole truth.  It has nothing to do w/ affairs, emails, etc - it's all about Benghazi and gun-running!
I should also mention that there are - supposedly - "impeccable sources" that can vouch for all of this, and who have no reason to make any of this up.

PostNote:  A much, much better roundup of the whole weird thing is, of all places, on Jezebel here.