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If it says One Simple Trick, then Just Don't Click. Corollaries "My Jaw Dropped" "My Mind Was Blown"  (cf. Matt Smith) "The Government Doesn't Want You To See " ( cf. Todd Holsombeck ) " You Won't Believe What Happens Next " ( cf. Drew Varner )

Put 1.5 cups of lentils and 1/2 cup brown rice in a pot, and rinse thoroughly with multiple changes of water.  5 should do the trick - the water should eventually be pretty clear. Oh, as to what lentils, I go for a mix of whatever I got. chana , urad , masoor , toor (seriously, just ay random combination of lentils will do. The more the merrier) In a pressure cooker, over medium, heat 1 tbsp of Ghee (or Oil  - go with the Ghee. It tastes better ) . Add 1 small bay leaf 1 tbsp cumin 1 tsp sesame seeds, 20 coarsely ground peppercorns ( coarse . seriously. coarse is good) salt to taste Add the washed lentil/rice mix to the pressure cooker, 2 cups of water, and let 'er rip over max pressure for 25 minutes. Meanwhile, chop up 6 stalks spring onions and saute with a little oil over medium heat till translucent and/or slightly browned.  Set aside. Finally, dice 1 medium tomato , and set aside When the lentil/rice mix is cooked, divide into 4 bowls, and t...

Prepare 2 bunches kale (Purple Kale, if you can get it.  You'll start figuring out the flavor profiles eventually, but actually, pretty much any kind of kale will do)  How?  Well, it depends on how tender they are, but basically Remove the bottom 2" or so of the stems Wash thoroughly.  Really.  Odds are that there is more dirt on them than you can shake a stick at Chop coarsely - including the stems.  You want to chop the lower stems finer though Heat 1 tbsp oil in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Add   1 clove garlic finely chopped 1 shallot finely chopped salt to taste and saute till the shallot goes all translucent Add the chopped kale from above, turn the heat up, and stir well till the leaves have completely wilted - around 15 seconds or so. Add 1 medium russet potato diced into 1/4" cubes Add 2 cups chicken stock (or water ) bring it all to a boil, and let it boil for 12 minutes. Turn off the heat, and add 1/2 cup mi...

Pull together, in a bowl, the following 2 cups garbanzo beans (cooked. do i actually need to point this out?) juice of 1 lemon 3 tbsp shredded fresh coconut (you can get this frozen in most Indian stores) salt to taste Roast 16 wee/tiny cherry tomatoes .  To do this, halve them, toss with 1 tbsp olive oil , and salt to taste , spread on a baking sheet (cut side up), and roast in an oven at 400°F for 10-20 minutes till they are sizzling and/or slightly caramelized.   In a small sauce-pan (or ladle, or some such) over high heat, add 2 tbsp peanut oil and 1 tsp mustard seeds .  Once the seeds stop crackling, add 1 tbsp puffed chana dal (also called chana dalia , or puffed kala chana ) and stir constantly. After 10 seconds  (or less. the puffed chana shoul start turning a light golden brown), add 1 tbsp urad dal still stirring constantly. 10 more seconds, and then add 1/2 chopped serrano pepper 15 curry leaves and stir for another 10 seconds. Fi...

M ush 1/4 tsp kosher salt and 1/2 small clove garlic   in a mortar/pestle thoroughly till it forms a smooth paste (around 10 seconds).  Add 4 roasted unsalted cashews to the mortar, and mush that in for around 10 more seconds. Add 1/4 tsp dijon mustard and mush that in.  Voila - you now have your salad dressing! Prepare the scrambled eggs by cracking 4 eggs into a mixing bowl. Mix together  2 tbsp milk , 1/2 tsp corn starch and salt to taste , and add that to the mixing bowl Whisk this all together with a fork, empty into a (non-stick which already has 1/2 tsp oil swirled in it) pan,  and cook on medium/medium-low stirring frequently.  Its done when it still has a slightly wet consistency - not dry, but not totally runny either.  Try it once or twice, till you get the hang of it :-)  (Why corn starch? It helps keep the consistency "just-right" and creamy, even on higher heat.  Otherwise, you need to cook this on dead-low, s...

Put 2 cups black beans in a mixing bowl (cooked. do i actually need to point this out?) In a small sauce-pan (or ladle, or some such), add 1 tbsp olive oil 1 tsp cumin seeds 1/2 tsp sesame seeds salt to taste and heat on high till the seeds start crackling.  (Yeah, this is kinda like what we call "voggarne" in south india) Add to this 1/2 jalapeno diced finely , stir for around 5 seconds, and empty the mix into the bowl of black beans. While the above sits (and the flavors infuse), mush 1/4 tsp kosher salt and 1/2 small clove garlic   in a mortar/pestle thoroughly till it forms a smooth paste (around 10 seconds).  Add 4 roasted unsalted cashews to the mortar, and mush that in for around 10 more seconds. Add juice of 1 lemon and mush that in.  Voila - you now have your salad dressing! Finally, chop 1/2 ripe mango into 1/2" cubes. Place a decent amount of salad greens in 4 bowls,  and spoon out the salad dressing on this. Divide the black...

Pull together, in a bowl, the following 2 cups garbanzo beans (cooked. do i actually need to point this out?) handful of mint shredded juice of 1 lemon 2 tbsp sriracha 2 tbsp crumbled feta salt to taste In a small sauce-pan (or ladle, or some such), add 1 tbsp olive oil 1 tsp fennel seeds 1 tsp cumin seeds 1/2 tsp sesame seeds and heat on high till the seeds start crackling.  (Yeah, this is kinda like what we call "voggarne" in south india) Add this to the garbanzo bowl, mix well, and let the whole thing sit, so that the flavors infuse into each other   Meanwhile, roast 16 wee/tiny cherry tomatoes .  To do this, halve them, toss with 1 tbsp olive oil , and salt to taste , spread on a baking sheet (cut side up), and roast in an oven at 400°F for 10-20 minutes till they are sizzling and/or slightly caramelized.   D ivide the garbanzo mix  into 4 bowls,  and top with the roast tomatoes. Se rve with a country bread of some kind, and a ...

This is when it hit home :-(

Pull together, in a bowl, the following 1 large tomato, cut up into 1" cubes handful of mint shredded 2 cups garbanzo beans (cooked. do i actually need to point this out?) 4 figs diced into 1/2" bits 3 tbsp roasted unsalted peanuts (split, crushed, whatever) juice of 1 lemon 2 tbsp sriracha salt to taste and let the whole thing sit, so that the flavors infuse into each other D ivide the above  into 4 bowls, and top with mozarella di bufala (or fresh ricotta. Both work wonderfully well) Se rve with a country bread of some kind, and a glass of prosecco, or picpoul di pinet, and enjoy!     Note : If you've got any pomegranate seeds and/or pine-nuts, sprinkle liberally. The crunch/juice factor puts this recipe over the top! Note2 : For a little extra body, add 1 cup "short pasta" (trumpets, orzo, orecchiette, whatever), cooked, to the mix and let it sit while the squash is roasting.  You probably want the pasta to cool down just a to...

This is what happens when Slash solos the Godfather Theme

/via XKCD

Roast 1 lb shallots .  How? I go for the easy approach - basically, wash the shallots thoroughly, plop them on a baking sheet, and bake at 400°F for 40-50 minutes .  (Keep an eye on it, if the shells go black, and they all start exploding, well, they're burnt :-) Around 10 - 20 minutes later, roast 1 lb carrots .  How?  Well, cut them into 2" chunks, put it in a large bowl, and drizzle with 1 tbsp olive oil and salt to taste . Mix this all up till the carrots are well coated. Place the carrots in a baking pan, and roast in an oven at 400°F for 20-30 minutes .  You basically want this to - at least - be "done" to the point where atoothpick  enters with no resistance.  After that, you can caramelize (burn!) it to the desired level of brown-ness (blackness! yes - I like it somewhat burnt-y) When the shallots and carrots are done, set them aside, and let them cool.  While the shallots and carrots are  roasting mix up 10 kalamat...

Get yourself 1.5 lb of Butternut Squash , already peeled and sliced into 1" chunks.  How? Either do it yourself, of if you're lucky, get it already in shape from the grocery :-) Put it in a large bowl, and drizzle with 2 tbsp olive oil and salt to taste . Mix this all up till the squash is well coated. Place the squash in a baking pan, and roast in an oven at 350°F for 30 minutes .  You basically want this to - at least - be "done" to the point where a fork enters with no resistance.  After that, you can caramelize (burn!) it to the desired level of brown-ness (blackness! yes - I like it somewhat burnt-y) While the squash is roasting mix up 1 large tomato diced into 1/2" chunks 1 tbsp capers 1/2 medium jalapeno chopped handful of mint shredded 2 cups garbanzo beans (cooked. do i actually need to point this out?) 1 tbsp olive oil juice of 1 lemon and let the whole thing sit, so that the flavors infuse into each other When the squash is d...

Prepare 2 bunches kale (You'll start figuring out the flavor profiles eventually, but for now, pretty much any kind of kale will do)  How?  Well, it depends on how tender they are, but basically Remove the bottom 2" or so of the stems Wash thoroughly.  Really.  Odds are that there is more dirt on them than you can shake a stick at Chop coarsely - including the stems.  You want to chop the lower stems finer though Heat 1 tbsp oil in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Add   1" ginger finely chopped 1/2 jalapeno finely chopped salt to taste and saute briefly Add the chopped kale from above, turn the heat up, and stir well till the leaves have completely wilted - around 15 seconds or so. Add a 2 cups chicken stock (or water ) bring it all to a boil, and let it boil for 12 minutes. Turn off the heat, and add 1/2 cup milk , and using an immersion blender (or a cuisinart, whatever) blend the whole shebang together.  The consistency is ...